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cdancer: Hi, sorry I haven't written! I have been SO busy-I have been leaving my place every morning around 6am and I don't return home until late. So much to write though-next week isn't as busy!
Jo: Hi sweetie, hope alls well, my last post was on the 19th also (it's been a long time), but I'm finally back to it. Let us know christmas went for you! xxx
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*Kelly*:
venom75: Just stopping by to check on you. Hope all is well.
Jo: Hey honey, just wanted to let you know that I haven't forgotten about you. I have picked up a really bad flu, I have got sweat dripping off me, I'm aching from head to foot and my throat feels like I've got a razor blae stuck in it. I promise to e-mail soon. luv ya xxx
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cdancer: I'm posting right now-long story so it may not be up for a while.
Jo: Please e-mail honey!!! x
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venom75: Sorry haven't been here in awhile. Stopping by to say hi.
Jo: wow, girl you ARE beautiful, I can tell you are shy like me! Finally hey?!
cdancer: Im ok! Lots has been going on and my PC is broken so I am using a public PC-so I don't want to write anything personal (email-Vega, journals etc.) until I have my PC back! Please don't worry though! Happy T-Day!
Jo: Hia honey, hope you're ok, I do worry when you don't write in a while. Please reasure us that everythings ok! Luv ya xxx
acinej: Hey, I'm back! So sorry things aren't going well for you. How's your jaw doing?
Gentlesnob: Hi. Nice blog. As for the grindin' your teeth you could try chewing on something, like gum (a lot of it), it helps me.
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venom75: Thanks for the tag. Sorry haven't been here in awhile still sick.
Skinny Bitch: Sorry to hear about that hun! I broke a piece of my toooth too from grinding!
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*Kelly*: Hey thanks for the comment. I ended up making a whole post because of it. Sorry to hear your feeling low too!!!
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*Kelly*: Hey my friend. We are having a three day fast Starting Monday. I just posted some information on my web journal. Feel free to stop by and have a look.
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Dark Angel: Hey there !!! I'm just browsing blogs. Lovely journal you've hot here. Purple's cool. Come by mine sometime. Toodles
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Wednesday, May 4th 2005

11:52 PM

Contemplations

  • Mood: Pondering
  • Music: Phantom of the Opera

I have to decide as to what I am going to do...Everytime I try to eat "healthy" I feel so gross and FAT, however I do realize that it is unhealthy to eat like I sometimes do.  I did not eat yesterday and all day today, but tonight I had halibut and veggies.  I know what i was doing when I ate it and I knew how I would feel afterwards...so I am not going to eat tomorrow.  But I had to eat it tonight b/c I was with my Dad and I felt so horrible, I can't hurt his feelings.  

In dance the other day there was this girl who was emaciated, I wanted to be her.  I know what I have to do to be like her and I know I have the will power to do it..but do I want to be emaciated?  Is that what I want?  I can't figure out if I have control over my eating or if it controls me?  Can I even stop if I wanted to?  I have been doing this for most my life, how can I change? 

Well, Finals are next week and I need to get A's on all of my exams.  So I do need to study and eat some to enable the studying nrxt week.  But then do I loose more weight?  I keep saying that only a few more pounds.  I really just want to be 90 pounds, then I would be happy!   

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