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A scarlet tear has fallen....

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acinej: It's been half a year since you posted. If you happen to get this, PLEASE let us know you're ok. I'm worried. I miss you.

Raquel: Hello just passing by, hope everything is well and your family as well.

venom75: I hope you're doing alright hon.

*Kelly*: YOU DEAD??? I has been awhile!

nfat6re@altavista.com: online directory main

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venom75: Happy St. Pat's Day.

darnesha: Hiya there!

Jo: Hi honey, hope you're ok and coping with your busy schedule. thinking of you xxx

venom75: Thanks for the tags. Try not to work too hard.

venom75: Have a safe and wonderful weekend.

darnesha: Hi! Great journal! Come and visit mine sometime! We should be friends.:)

acinej: It's been a while since you last posted. I hope everything is going ok.

I look forward to your next post.

cindy: I hope you are feeling better soon!

venom75: Have a nice and safe weekend.

Gia: Hey, Dancer. We have several mutual friends here. I love ballet too and have food problems as well. Come see me if you feel like it. Hugs!!!

acinej: Hey honey, just wondering how you're doing. I hope you're ok.

Vega: baby pls smile! and write me!

cdancer: Hi, sorry I haven't written! I have been SO busy-I have been leaving my place every morning around 6am and I don't return home until late. So much to write though-next week isn't as busy!

Jo: Hi sweetie, hope alls well, my last post was on the 19th also (it's been a long time), but I'm finally back to it. Let us know christmas went for you! xxx

venom75: Happy New Year

venom75: Thanks for your comment on my changes and new poem post.

venom75: Have a nice weekend.

*Kelly*:

venom75: Just stopping by to check on you. Hope all is well.

Jo: Hey honey, just wanted to let you know that I haven't forgotten about you. I have picked up a really bad flu, I have got sweat dripping off me, I'm aching from head to foot and my throat feels like I've got a razor blae stuck in it. I promise to e-mail soon. luv ya xxx

Vega: Hi! I'm happy you're still here. waiting 4 your answer... vega

cdancer: I'm posting right now-long story so it may not be up for a while.

Jo: Please e-mail honey!!! x

venom75: Have a nice and safe weekend.

venom75: Sorry haven't been here in awhile. Stopping by to say hi.

Jo: wow, girl you ARE beautiful, I can tell you are shy like me! Finally hey?!

cdancer: Im ok! Lots has been going on and my PC is broken so I am using a public PC-so I don't want to write anything personal (email-Vega, journals etc.) until I have my PC back! Please don't worry though! Happy T-Day!

Jo: Hia honey, hope you're ok, I do worry when you don't write in a while. Please reasure us that everythings ok! Luv ya xxx

acinej: Hey, I'm back! So sorry things aren't going well for you. How's your jaw doing?

Gentlesnob: Hi. Nice blog. As for the grindin' your teeth you could try chewing on something, like gum (a lot of it), it helps me.

*Kelly*: YES!!! I am LDS and every proud of it. That's awsome that you are too. Never would have guessed

venom75: Thanks for the tag. Sorry haven't been here in awhile still sick.

Skinny Bitch: Sorry to hear about that hun! I broke a piece of my toooth too from grinding!

*Kelly*: OUCH!!!

That's pretty harsh there Kara.

*Kelly*: Hey thanks for the comment. I ended up making a whole post because of it. Sorry to hear your feeling low too!!!

Nathalie: Hellew, wishing you an AWESOME weekend! Please stop by and sign my "Bravenet Bloggers" map. There's a link to it in on my blog. Thanks Muchly

venom75: Have a nice and safe weekend.

Emerald Deity: Hello there, I'm new and just thought I would stop on by and say hello. Namasti

*Kelly*: Hey my friend. We are having a three day fast Starting Monday. I just posted some information on my web journal. Feel free to stop by and have a look.

xAnazAngelx: Hey hunni! Got ur comment! Yeh i kno wot u mean...they kno nothing!! Yeh love it wen ppl think i look good!! Love your journ...i think ur gr8!!! LYTTB xXx Sarah-Louise xXx

Anonymous:

Dark Angel: Hey there

!!! I'm just browsing blogs. Lovely journal you've hot here. Purple's cool. Come by mine sometime. Toodles

venom75: Have a nice and safe Halloween weekend.

*Kelly*: Hey sweet pea...Just dropping in to say

Sunday, November 13th 2005

12:05 AM

life as of today, 11-12-05

I really wish I could explain and let people see what shit I am. I am sooooo fat! I uploaded a picture from my camera onto my PC but I can't figure out how to paste it on this webpage. I am 98 pounds as of today..still FAT at 5'4''!!!!!! (or 64''). I hate that I can barely see my ribs. I hate that I am feel like such a bad person. I have NO Direction, and No real contribution to this society. I just consume-and it HURTS! It Hurts to consume so much and not give back. I try so hard to give back what I can (volunteer, work, etc...) but I am still such a CONSUMER! I hate the pain I place on others.

Why am I not dead? Why don't I do it now? Why am I sooooooooo CHICKEN to actually do it? I have no reason not to, just fear of being caught and sent to a hospital-the hummiliation and not really dying. That whole "cry for help" thing is what I don't want. I just want to die. But I LOVE my family so much..I hope they would understand. I hate seeing them in pain..they deserve better than me!